We were at Peacehaven this morning and spent the whole morning talking to nurses, residents and today one lady took up a lot of my time. I don't resent this intrusion, but it gave this lady the opportunity of unburdening her heart. I was blessed as I heard the story, how grateful she is today to her adopted mother who brought her up. Thank God for such a filial daughter who has given up her job to care for the mother and now visits her everyday at Peacehaven. Thank God she has a very understanding husband, an Englishman working in Singapore.
The nurses have their stories to tell and I thank God my wife and I are given this privilege to share their burdens as well as their joys.
When I got home in the afternoon the words 'empathy' and 'sympathy' kept ringing in my mind. According to Carl Rogers 'empathy "is to perceive the internal frame of reference of another person with accuracy and with emotional components and meanings that pertain thereto as if one were the person but without losing the as-if condition."
Some people do not seem to differentiate the meaning of the two words. I may have sympathy for another without truly understanding another's situation. Sympathy is triggered by the awareness of others based on my own feelings and experiences. Empathy on the other hand goes further. I take that extra step by trying to fathom the feelings and experiences of the other person.
So when I sympathise with another, it is quite likely I feel sad because of my own experience. I've been through such pain and I am displaying my own feelings.
But when I empathise, I am motivated by the desire to help the other person in the resolution in whatever situation the other person is going through. I project myself to the person's needs, I make effort to understand. Empathy then is making a deliberate attempt to understand the inner feelings of another. It takes a lot out of you.
When speaking to the nurses from overseas, now working in Peacehaven, I try to project myself, put myself in their place, leaving parents, spouses, children and aged grandparents to come to our land to care for our people in need. To some extent my experience working overseas help me to sympathise as well as empathise with these folk.
One difficulty and I need the Lord's wisdom or discernment. As humans we all tend to see other people and events through our distinct personal and cultural perspectives. We need the grace of God to enable us to cross the cultural and racial gap. Lord help me to bridge that gap.
To the lady I referred to earlier, I try to empathise, projecting myself to her inner world of struggle. Anyway I was able to spend time in prayer with her and hope and pray that encounter be a blessing to her. Now I go back to chorus I quoted recently, "Make me a blessing to someone today."
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